one day you are gonna be so proud of me that your heart will burst with pride. haha

How to be a better person 001
Today is the first day it’s stopped raining in weeks JFeel super awesome today. Talked to a friend I haven’t talked to in 6 months & we just talked about life, love and everything under the sun. Must be more proactive with my friendships man. Under the guise of my supposed depression I made him sing for me love story. Hahaha and it really relieved me of my headache, though only momentararily with his croaky voice. Damn funny! But that’s what friends are for I guess, to make the dark days brighter and the bright days blindingly joyous. If you, by any chance are reading this. Thank you. Although I didn’t really tell you the reason behind why I was sad for 5 minutes in our 4 hour long crazy conversation..maybe I’ll get to it someday J Made my night when I told him that I wanted to be there for my friends more instead of only going to them when I need help and he said that was super sweet of me. I guess we all need validation in life huh..In other news, my first final exam commences tomorrow. Wish me the best of luck? J

this was yesterday
Today, I had my econs paper. bombed it. it was too misleadingly easy. hmm i vow never to have to feel like this again EVER after an exam. had a good chat and lunch with?bel and marcus.. we're gonna be alldressedup during the last day of our papers to head out and partyyyy dont know what to do yet but im sure we'll come up with something fun! awesome schmawsome or what haha... 2nd day it hasn't rained (Y) !after this i gotta get down to studying marketing and then sleep later and day(i mean night)dream about my holiday plans. I've decided that this xmas i'll choose to give rather than receive. So many people who have defined my 2009 so the least i can do is to make them feel loved this season :)
p.s. im bouncing back and crossing my fingers that one day i'll get the chance to right my wrongs. Happiness is a choice and i will fight all those bad feelings until they disappear!

 that day i went to central forum with weili to buy textbooks and stuff and they were scouting for hair show models. Thinking it was a free hair consultation, I went to the booth and signed up cuz there were many people there (so i thought, eh got queue means freebie!). Only found out when i got to my turn that it was an  audition for hair show models.. so i was like, what the heck, just try la anyway not as if im really gonna get it or what since like its open to the whole of nus & they were only gonna choose 18.. Forgot about this little episode until i checked my inbox today...



Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you are selected to be our runway model for our event on 7 Oct'09 (Wed).

Please block the following dates (3 full days), which is required for our event:
• Wardrobe Fitting: Late September (Date - To be advised)
• Final Preparation: 5 OR 6 Oct’09, Mon OR Tue
• Actual day of event: 7 Oct’09, Wed


HOW? im scared they butcher my hair!! :( Have half a mind to decline but then I see this....

Your Entitlements:
• Opportunity to be a runway model 
• 1 cd-rom of selected photos taken during the runway event (Hair Show)
• Media exposure 
• 1 year professional hair coloring service at Hoyu Color Studio (Worth up to $3000)
• 12 sets of professional hair care products (Equivalent to 1 year supply)


should i go for it or not????? raar.. thought it wouldve been an outright yes for me but... TSk
nevertheless! im honoured i got selected :) hahhahaa

 i lost my french notebook :( :(
all my pronounciations are gone gone GONE!

on a another note, I dont feel intellectually stimulated and yet i gotta force myself to study..
NEED motivation! university isnt all i expected it to be... its too rigid, too focused on academia..
I need a challenge and I want my brain to be moulded, I dont wanna turn into some memorising machine. 

 Today could've gone 2 ways ;

i woke up bright and early for the first time for breakfast at the kr canteen, came back... all buzzy and lightheaded in anticipation of the results for rockers-- but alas my best wasnt enough :( ; to know that you are this close to getting it and eventually not getting it is heartbreaking , to say the least... and i have no idea why myself I want this so badly either... Some people think I am distant and standoffish but the truth is im just intimidated and afraid of some of them because they are just too zai and i'm like a small fry? I need time to warm up I guess. Went to Ikea with insung and kenneth to get supplies and i went to dye my hair pink cuz i needed a "change" of sorts to make me feel better... its surprisingly quite an ok dye job for the price, pictures when i feel fine again...Cried a couple of occasions today, once because i was disappointed with the results and myself, and the rest because there were friends who actually tried to console me and believed in me , which is particularly touching.. it is for these people that i will try again next sem and in the mean time i will make use of other avenues to prove my worth, and hope that somebody somewhere out there amongst the mass of kent ridgeans sees something in me. After this experience, i've also learnt the importance of not judging someone based on first impressions, or other's first impressions alone but then again, if this is meant to make me stronger, then bring it on i say! First impressions are meant to be broken anyway :) On a side note, im blogging regularly again,.. I need to be able to say the same for my studies as well! its the only thing that is something i can solely determine on my own without external forces ! haha i need to be a fighter and take this positively, so take this positively i will! maybe then they will see how much i GENUINELY want this....

the impermanence of struggle, something i crafted out in the wee hours of the morn just like this one when i just started out lovefearhate... maybe it will all make sense one day, maybe it will all be beautiful again      :) gotta be strong!

 

its been wayyyyy too long, i miss pouring my feelings into this little space of mine.
Life's been moving too fast, these days I just feel like I've stopped living; I merely exist and go through the motions.
But other than that i've found a good set of friends so im okay with that department :)
Basically im still the sameoldsameold, .. living in hall brings an entire new set of social dynamics I have to deal with 
Politics and more politics, even though things arent said outright, everything happens behind the scenes.
I dont wanna play this game -- im still trying to tread the fine line that is my personal integrity and being nice to everyone without being fake..
Sometimes people try too hard & i see through their hidden agendas but i guess this is also the way it is in the big bad world.
Pardon me for my disjointed thoughts, I assure you you will see/hear from more of me soon :))))

To the people i've neglected inadvertently, accidentally daoed because im rushing here and there im sorry! i miss you guys :)

i really hope i cleared THE audition, but then again i think i've gotta prepare myself for the worst....
hate the feeling of rejection because i want this SO much :( sigh,... 


I have a feeling i will learn many lessons over the coming months so here's hoping that i dont lose my idealism (or have i lost it already?)



love,
mel

- just attended 2 camps, bizad and elevate. bonds made with fellow university students who think on the same wavelength and more clubbing and og outings later, i am happy :)

-got into kent ridge hall which is the hardest to get in and the hardest to STAY in... i heard this year they had 20k apps and only a couple of hundred vacancies so i must be really lucky !!!! hha

-nus' french lpp programme accepted me as well :)

-one more thing which is pretty big but i refuse to announce on my blog yet :P just please... everyone who knows me please keep 15 aug free & come to zouk!

i know i havent been blogging much because im either at camp, going out , or resting after the onslaught of outings & camps. haha. michael jacksons death actually prompted me to update you guys again so till another celebrity's death,.. see you! no la joking :P will give a blowbyblow of business camp really soon.. probably later today. i love bizad! :)

thank you all for making this possible :)

one more crazy night and we're done! :(

i think im crazy to sign up for 5 camps, excluding fwoc. goodness. anyway i'll be watching metrostation live tmr with alex!!! excitedddddd :) sports camp and genacts are back to back somemore omg shoot me! haha but its gonna be fun la, making new friends and all. dont think ive ever been so.. proactive in my (social) life. LOL

sign up for lpp, confirm sports camp, do sth to make my app to kr solid, look for another camp to join, bookmark in iphone date of lpp.

i cant sleep and im craving wahiro. party last night was quite good.

Every girl wants to be a princess. isnt it amazing how we wanna do so many things when we are young, so we daydream. Yet, when we finally have the means to do all the things we dreamed of in our youth, we've already grown too old for it?

the best way to cry and ensure your make up doesnt run is to blink, and not rub your eyes. haha random tidbit

 

so camwhore but this is what 2 months in philippines has done to me hahaha. Take care of your skin girls :) im so happy im pimple-free even in the forehead now. Ready for school!

corne you really really REALLY shouldnt have left tonight omg.. you know something tht applies to my life right now , the saddest and happiest things alike are both the things i cant say. Like I dont wanna divulge too much because people might think im bragging, but at the same time i really dont wanna lose these memories? hmm maybe pen and paper was the better alternative for me from the start. anyway i made new hawaiian and angmoh friends today and they are HOTTTTT. sizzling haha. ok this is a short one cuz i have dragonboat tmr at 5am. woot , goodmorning world :) If someone were to tell a yr ago me id be experiencing this much and opening my eyes so wide at this point in time, I wouldnt be able to imagine either, not even in my wildest dreams. And im thankful for it , really am :) How great thou art, whoever thou may be hahhaha (hi god!) 

p.s theres a typhoon here but everythings under control now, and the roof that got blown off is being mended as i type so theres rly nth to worry about.

capitalism vs, sustainability of environment, networking, boylets and conversation : i need to update this soonish haha

today was fun, Yet there were a few occasions in which i almost cried. Today I witnessed a friend shedding tears as well. he/she will prolly read this so ill not reveal who because its quite embarassing and its regarding quite a touchy subject. So i'll just leave it as it is... but anyway, to that friend, I just wanna say I hope in future we really follow what the lady said to us and be good friends for a long time :)

anyway, on a happier note,... embassy with corne was fun! :D

my face is red thanks to the vodka ice promo.. hmm anw can you spot the lovebirds in the picture ? :p

this is gonna be with me for 4 years and i have to courier this back by dhl or whatever have you just so it reaches the desk of OOA in NUS by 1st june. i have mixed feelings about this picture because i think i look to decent!! (like so totally goody 2 shoes and not me).. hmm should I in the name of vanity go all the way to the studio to have it retaken? (its v cheap btw so not abt the money but the hassle of driving 15 mins to that place agn). How ? i have to make my decision quick by like tmr ! help me by leaving me a msg on msn or cmnt here or whatever i just need your opinions. Oh and i had to tuck my hair back. urgh, and i hate the fringe as well.

(people in the 3rd world are starving and im thinking of this stupid issue. maybe i shouldnt have it retaken ... :(  )

shite i found this picture of myself on the net. May 16 @bureau. WHY DID I SMILE LIKE THAT oh my goodness! haha ok you can go on and laugh at me i dont mind :)

corne we'll take u here too!

(this entry serves to remind myself to stay grounded)

(2 of the party invites I have received in this month)

In the Philippines, almost half its population survives on less than US$5 a day. Yet, the top 0.1% - 5% of it's social hierarchy really know the meaning of luxury. This entry shall not be a discussion of where I stand socially here but lets just say Im lucky enough to be friends with some of these people. Tonight, I had the priviledge of meeting Casey (which explains the birthday invite). She's the daughter of my dad's friend and she's gonna celebrate her 18th on 6th June at one of our function rooms. To cut the story short, only today i've realised how lucky I am and how (much more) lucky other people can be. For her 18th she's custom made numerous gowns, hired a dj from embassy, hired make up artists, takes dance lessons in preparation for her performance during her party. Only a few of the great lengths their family went through to ensure an elaborate debutante party for her. Over here, once you know somebody who's a bit of a somebody, you start to know everybody. I dont even wanna start comparing w sg cuz my situation is just so different but Im really beginning to realise the importance of networking. People really bother to take care of you here you know.. They like make the effort to make sure you're included and introduced to their friends, if you are a friend of theirs. The social dynamics is so starkly different, much more westernised I'd say. Hopefully in university, I can find a group of friends like that who'll be able to laugh and really be totally honest and unbridled as a group. Being non-judgemental is also v impt. The one thing I dont rly like so much about social behaviours amongst people my age back home is the fact that they are very "protectionistic", unwilling to venture out of their comfort zones and say hi to new people. When they enter uni, they'd much rather hang out (exclusively) only with their set of secondary sch/jc friends, something I want to avoid when I become a freshman.

Another thing, I wouldnt say i've been spoilt rotten here but I've really experienced alot of perks on the job,I have a driver that takes me to places where I wanna go, and I've been given many concessions to go out till late/early in the morn and all by my dad, something that really doesnt happen at all in singapore. One thing's for sure, Im gonna miss this place pretty much when I leave. Im proud to say i've made more than 50 friends or so during my short stay here. The one thing I regret is that I've had so many memorable things  happen over here but i've been too lazy to really update on every single event. Like hooters, Shisha, the nights out clubbing sometimes, and the little things that people do that unknowingly for them , make my day because things like these happen so rarely in sg. For things to change, I must first change myself for the better. When I enter uni, I will try my best to treat everyone with genuine respect and be friendly and all so that everybody will feel better about themselves :)

p.s.this entry is slightly emo, haha can you tell? Friends back in sg, if you see this pls comment or sth to let me knw im not yet forgotten!!! cuz sometimes i feel like i am. haha